


Partners In Crime

by orphan_account



Category: Karlie Kloss - Fandom, Taylor Swift (Musician)
Genre: Crack, F/F, Fluff, halloween themed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-29
Updated: 2016-10-29
Packaged: 2018-08-22 08:43:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8279813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: They stare at each other for a moment before Taylor dips her head down to give Karlie a kiss. Just as she's about to close the distance between them, Karlie yanks her head back abruptly. "Oh my god, I have an excellent idea!" She exclaims, her eyes wide."Let's trash her ex's house!""What?""Let's trash her house!" Karlie flails her arms around enthusiastically, almost knocking over a stack of plates. "Destroy property! Throw eggs! Toilet paper! Slash car tires! Kick over garden gnomes!"Taylor raises an eyebrow. "Karlie, in what sort of condition do you have to be in to think that this is a good idea?" (In which Karlie and Taylor have some fun with their friend's ex's house on Halloween night.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Below is a Kaylor Halloween crack fic.

Taylor is putting up the last of her Halloween decorations when a sudden " _Boo!_ " is whispered to her ear and a pair of hands grab her waist from behind. She jumps with a yelp, the little plastic bat decoration falling out of her hand.

Alarmed, she quickly turns around and scowls when she sees Karlie looking down at her, a big fat grin plastered across her face. "Hey, babe." Karlie bends down to pick up the plastic bat and offers it to Taylor, looking smug.

Rolling her eyes, Taylor grabs the plastic bat and chucks it at Karlie's head. Even though Karlie is standing directly in front of her, it misses her head completely. It hits her girlfriend in the chest instead, eliciting an indignant, "Hey!" from her.

Despite the fact that it doesn't hit its initially aimed location, Taylor is still satisfied with the result. She reaches down and retrieves the plastic bat. "I told you to stop doing that."

Karlie wraps her arms around Taylor's waist and kisses the top of her head. "Sorry," she says, not sounding very apologetic at all. "I can't help it; you just look so adorable when you're scared." She presses another kiss onto Taylor's head. "Are you actually mad at me? Because you're also adorable when you're angry."

Taylor rolls her eyes and attempts to shoot Karlie a menacing glare, only to fail. "Go hang this on the shelf. It's your fault I didn't get to do it in the first place." She says, pressing the decoration into Karlie's hand.

Karlie grins, knowing that Taylor isn't actually mad at her. She presses a kiss to Taylor's cheek and curtsies. "As you wish, my love."

Taylor slides onto the kitchen countertop, watching Karlie as she tries to hang the plastic bat on a shelf. She does it quickly, her long limbs making her task easy.

The taller girl returns and begins picking at a bowl of candy.  
"So, have you picked out a good Halloween costume yet?" Karlie asks, taking a bite from a candy bar.

"Yeah, I'm just going to reuse one of my old costumes-"

" _Booooring_ ," Karlie interrupts, covering her mouth with her hand in a faux yawn. Tapping her chin thoughtfully, she points out, "You can always go to the party in your underwear. It's pretty common for people to do that." A mischievous smirk makes its way onto Karlie's face. "You know, it doesn't sound that bad. I, for one, wholeheartedly think you should do it."

"Because getting hypothermia sounds absolutely fantastic." Taylor quips.

Karlie shakes her head. "Impossible; you're too hot."

Sending the taller girl an unimpressed look, Taylor reaches over and plucks the candy bar out of her hands. "The candy isn't for you."

Karlie grabs the candy bar back and walks towards her until she is standing against the counter and between Taylor's legs. She leans in until her nose is gently brushing Taylor's. "Don't punish me for speaking the truth."

Taylor rolls her eyes, not bothering to reply. They remain in this position for a moment. Out of the blue, she asks quietly, "Is Cara going to the party?"

Karlie shakes her head, sighing. "Honestly, I don't think so. She's been crushed ever since she and her girlfriend broke up."

Taylor is well aware of the messy break up that had left their friend in tears. "How's she taking it?"

Karlie purses her lips, looking grim. "I don't know but I hope she's okay."

"She will be. She's a strong girl." Taylor says.

They stare at each other for a moment before Taylor dips her head down to give Karlie a kiss. Just as she's about to close the distance between them, Karlie yanks her head back abruptly. "Oh my god, I have an excellent idea!" She exclaims, her eyes wide.

Taylor narrows her eyes in bemusement, partially worried because Karlie _never_ stops a kiss from happening.

"Let's trash her ex's house!"

"What?"

"Let's trash her house!" Karlie flails her arms around enthusiastically, almost knocking over a stack of plates. "Destroy property! Throw eggs! Toilet paper! Slash car tires! Kick over garden gnomes!"

Quickly grabbing the bowl of candy beside them, Taylor digs through it, desperate to find the brand of candy that had essentially caused Karlie brain damage. "What the hell was in the candy bar you ate?" She demands.

"Taylor, it's an amazing idea!"

Taylor raises an eyebrow. "Karlie, in what sort of condition do you have to be in to think that this is a good idea?" 

"C'mon, babe, Cara's our friend! This is practically girl code."

"I seriously doubt that 'damaging and trespassing property' is part of girl code." Taylor says drily. "Besides, we have a Halloween party to attend."

"Come on, let's just skip the party and avenge our friend!" Karlie places her hands firmly on Taylor's shoulders and looks at her straight in the eye. "Which sounds better, avenging our best friend or going to a party that's gonna be swarmed with half-naked drunk teens that we barely know? Tell me the truth."

"The truth is that I'd rather stay at home and give little kids candy. It's much safer and pleasant compared to the other two options." Taylor says.

Karlie rolls her eyes. "Taylor,"

Taylor sighs and raises her hands up in surrender. "Ugh, fine. I'm only doing this because Cara actually does seem really upset."

Karlie pumps her fist in the air in triumph. She grabs her coat and heads for the door. "Okay, go change into your Halloween costume. I'll go get some stuff and then we can go seek revenge after I get back."

"If we get in trouble, I will kill you." Taylor says warningly to her girlfriend's retreating figure.

Karlie doesn't bother turning her way when she replies, "Babe, we both know that you love me too much to do that."

Taylor doesn't bother to retort; they both know that Karlie's statement is true.

 

* * *

 

"I'm back," Karlie calls out, shutting the door. She turns around and raises an eyebrow when she sees Taylor sitting on the sofa in a furry costume. "Chewbacca?" Karlie questions with a small smile.

"Yep." Taylor pauses for a moment and takes in Karlie's appearance, furrowing her brows as she tries to figure out Karlie's outfit. "And what are you dressed as? A depressed nun?"

Her words are rewarded with an exasperated sigh. "I'm a Dementor, Taylor."

"You look nothing like one."

"Yes I do!" Karlie defends. "Look, I even have these scaly hand glove things!" She lifts up her gloved hands and wiggles her fingers for Taylor to see.

Taylor isn't impressed. She gives her girlfriend a sceptical look. "Your cloak isn't even the right colour."

Karlie frowns and knits her eyebrows together, huffing petulantly, "What are you talking about? Of course it is."

"Karlie, a Dementor's cloak is supposed to be black. Yours is grey."

"No, this is clearly black."

"It's grey, Karlie."

Karlie waves her off. "Whatever, it's obviously black but that doesn't matter. Anyway, I got the necessities." She sets down her plastic bag and begins taking out its contents. Karlie lays out two cans of neon spray paint, half a dozen rolls of toilet paper, two cartons of eggs, and a bag of candy corn onto the table in a neat row.

Taylor eyes the taller girl carefully. "What are these for?"

"These items are essential for the destruction we are going to cause tonight." Karlie says this like it is obvious. "How else do you think we are going to trash someone's house?"

Taylor sighs and shakes her head disapprovingly. "Just so you know, you are putting a lot of good money and food to waste."

"Relax," Karlie assures her, "Half of these were on discount and if anything, I'm doing the world a favour because candy corn isn't good food."

 

* * *

 

They travel to their friend's ex's house on foot. It isn't a particularly long journey but that doesn't spare Taylor's feet from aching. Once they've reached their destination, Taylor throws herself onto the ground to put an end to the painful throbbing in her feet.

"Why did I think walking would be a good idea?" Taylor groans, kicking off her shoes to rub her sore feet.

Karlie pulls down the hood of her costume and Taylor thinks it's incredibly unfair that Karlie looks as though she hadn't exerted a single bit of energy at all. In comparison to Taylor, Karlie looks like she had merely went for a walk in the park.

Karlie raises an eyebrow, seemingly amused by the shorter girl. "It was just a twenty minute walk, Taylor."

"An exhausting one!"

"If I recall correctly, I carried you for about five minutes of the walk." Karlie says with a cheeky grin. Taylor puts her shoes back on and pretends to not hear her. "You wouldn't be so winded if you'd gone to the gym with me all those times I told you to," Karlie teases.

Taylor snorts, "And suffer the worst form of torture known as exercising? Haha, no thanks. I'd rather stay at home and play with my cats, thank you very much."

Offering her hand, Karlie pulls Taylor off the ground. "Quit whining, it's time for our plan to commence." She says, tossing Taylor a can of spray paint.

Taylor turns to Karlie with the can of spray paint in her hands, unsure what to do. "So, what do we do now?"

Karlie gives Taylor a scornful look. "We start wrecking the house, obviously."

Taylor scoffs. "Oh, forgive me for my lack of knowledge about criminal activity."

"Shh, no more sarcasm." Karlie shushes her and attempts to open up a carton of eggs with much difficulty, her fingers clumsy and uncooperative inside the bulky gloves. After some fumbling, she eventually manages to open the carton. She grins in triumph and reaches to grab an egg only to let it slip and fall onto the ground with a _crack_. She lunges downwards instinctively which causes more eggs to fall, creating a mess. Miraculously, one egg yolk remains it's symmetrical shape despite the impact. Pieces of eggshell are scattered across the ground around the yolk and Taylor thinks that it oddly resembles the stars and moon hanging in the sky.

"Fuck!" Karlie hisses, eyes widening as she stares at the eggy porch. She yanks off her gloves. "What's the point of selling gloves if you can't hold things while wearing them?!" She throws them over her shoulder. "I want a refund."

"You probably should've thought about that before you bought them." Taylor remarks as she peels off the plastic covering the spray paint can. She uncaps it and gives it a shake, squinting in attempt to look through the darkness. "Kar, do you have a flashlight? I can't tell which way to spray."

"No, sorry, babe. I left my phone at home. Just feel for the hole." Taylor rolls her eyes when she hears Karlie snicker softly at the unintentional innuendo.

"Real mature, Karlie- FUCK!"

Taylor sees a bright flash of pink and immediately slams her eyelids shut. Her Chewbacca mask had received most of the paint but that doesn't stop the fumes from irritating her eyes. She drops the spray paint from her hand and spits out another obscene curse. Her eyes are stinging slightly and she can feel them begin to water.

She's almost too distracted by the pain in her eyes to feel Karlie grabbing her frantically, demanding, "Taylor! What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, no- kind of." She gently rubs her irritated eyes and opens them gingerly. She can see Karlie standing over her, worry etched upon her face.

Maybe Karlie is a literal sight for sore eyes because the pain in Taylor's eyes are already starting to subside. "It's okay. None of the paint went into my eye; I think it's just the fumes."

Karlie releases a breath of relief. "Thank god." She presses a kiss onto Taylor's nose through her costume (or rather, on Chewbacca's nose) and pulls her into a tight hug. She pulls away and gives the shorter girl a heavy look. Her voice is tinged with remorse. "This is kinda dangerous. Maybe we shouldn't be doing this."

"It's too late to back down now," Taylor gestures around them. "We've already made a mess. Might as well just continue." She picks up the neon pink spray paint and starts spraying the wall of the house, being extra careful to ensure it is directed away from her face.

Karlie grabs the other can of spray paint and begins defacing the wall next to her. She is biting down on her lower lip in concentration, completely focused on her illustrating. After several more sprays of paint, Karlie stands back, grinning gleefully. "Ta-da!"

Taylor squints at the beige wall, trying to make out the neon green graffiti. It is familiar to something she's seen doodled onto the pages of second-hand high school textbooks. Then it hits her. Utter horror strikes her when she realises what has been painted onto the wall.

"Is that-"

"A penis wearing a top hat." Karlie announces, looking very proud of her artwork.

Taylor slaps her own forehead and groans. "Your maturity level is off the charts."

"Hey! Vengeance is best served in the form of a juvenile prank!" Karlie defends. "What else could I have drawn?"

"Practically anything." Taylor reaches into the plastic bag and produces the bag of candy corn. "What did you get this for, anyway?"

"I thought it would be a good idea to scatter them around the house and then let ants take over." Karlie says, taking and opening up the bag. As she moved forward, she accidentally steps into the raw egg on the porch and slips, causing the bag of candy corn to spill out onto the floor and over herself. "Goddamn it..." Karlie groans.

Taylor picks out a piece of candy corn from Karlie's hair, fighting back a giggle. "You know, I don't think we are very good at this."

Before Karlie can open her mouth to retort, they hear a voice from the other side of the street yelling, "HEY! WHAT DO YOU TWO THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" They both whip their heads around to see a man running towards them. Taylor's heart drops into her stomach.

"Shit," Karlie scoops up their plastic bag of equipment before grabbing Taylor's wrist and sprinting into the woods. "Run!"

Still paralysed by shock, Taylor fumbles and forces her feet to move. They brush past trees and duck under branches in a desperate attempt to escape from the man chasing after them.

"Oh my god, we're going to be arrested and thrown into prison." Taylor flails her arm around frantically. "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god-"

She is silenced by Karlie's hand over her mouth. "Sh," Karlie shushes before yanking her into the bushes to hide. Taylor stumbles, trips over her own feet and falls down. Instead of crashing into the hard ground, she feels her body collide into something soft and warm. It takes a soft curse from the taller girl for Taylor to realise that Karlie had sacrificed herself to cushion Taylor's fall.

"Sorry," she breathes against Karlie's neck.

"It's fine-" Karlie stops herself when they hear footsteps coming their way. The shuffling of feet comes closer and closer to their hiding spot before it stops abruptly. The both hold their breaths as they wait for the man to walk away. Eventually, the man walks away, swearing under his breath. Once they are sure that they are alone, Taylor groans, "See, I told you this was a bad idea. Why do I even associate with you?"

"Because you love me."

"You're lucky that's true, Kloss."

They stay in the bushes for a little while longer, just to ensure that they are alone. After checking around their surroundings, they get up and proceed to travel back home, hand in hand.

Back at home, they strip off their costumes and drop them in a pile on the floor before throwing themselves into bed, too exhausted to do anything else but cuddle as they sleep through the night.

 

* * *

 

It's ten in the morning when Taylor receives an unpleasant shock. She lifts her head up from the newspaper she's been reading to send Karlie a glare. "Karlie Kloss, get your ass over here." Taylor snarls.

Bemused, Karlie puts down her plate of pancakes and walks over to her cautiously. "What's wrong?"

Taylor shoves the newspaper into Karlie's hand roughly. "Read it." She orders.

Still bewildered, Karlie looks down at the front page and begins to read aloud. " _'Police officer nearly gets suffocated by condom'_ -"

"Not that!" Taylor groans and points at a smaller article in the corner of the page. "This one."

" _'Property damaged by gang leaders.'_ " Karlie's eyes widen. " _'Yesterday evening, on Halloween night, a house suffered through great damage. Pictures obtained show that the house had been vandalised severely, with mysterious graphics painted onto the walls of the building. Experts suggest that these illustrations could possibly depict warnings by gangs or even cults. Witnesses have stated that two people disguised as what look like a pink bear and grey ghost costume were seen trespassing the property. They are the prime suspects of this case. If anyone has seen these suspects, please contact authorities immediately.'_ "

A silence hangs in the air between them. Taylor's expression remains grave. "I listen to your ridiculous suggestion and we become wanted criminals."

"Are you angry at me? Please don't be. I'm sorry." Karlie pouts and kisses the corner of Taylor's mouth by way of an apology. "What must I do to be forgiven?"

Taylor sighs. "Promise me that from now on, we are staying at home on Halloween nights."

"I promise." Karlie gives Taylor a quick kiss. "Anything else?"

Taylor takes several seconds to contemplate before saying, "Admit that your costume is grey and definitely not black. Come on, even the witness thinks so."

Karlie rolls her eyes and sighs in defeat. "Fine, my costume is grey definitely not black," she says with a small smile.

"Good. That wasn't so hard now, was it?" Taylor grins. She gives Karlie a quick kiss and announces that she's going to take a shower.

As she is making her way to the bathroom, Taylor hears Karlie say, "You think my costume is black, too, right Meredith? Taylor disagrees but it's okay, I still love her the same even though she doesn't know the difference between grey and black." She hears Karlie sigh. "Your mother is weird sometimes."

Taylor stops in her tracks and heads back into the living room, prepared to argue with Karlie that her costume isn't even partially black and is _a hundred percent fucking grey_.

**Author's Note:**

> Since it's almost the 31st, have a Halloween crack fic! Not my best work but I hope you it managed to entertain you guys.
> 
> Thanks for reading, voting and commenting! Have a happy Halloween!
> 
> I'm on tumblr: pieceofkaylortrash.tumblr.com


End file.
